FILTER OUT!

I'm excited about this post because it's one of my most important topics amongst today's young girls. For decades, magazines has altered the images of their most famous models. Whether it's a blemish, a scar, a waistline or smoothing out skin, the industry shaped a "norm" when it comes to packaging their content. Now that girls as young as 3rd grade have phones, tablets and computers, when we mix that with the ability to filter out what they believe are flaws you've got a perfect storm that creates a shift in our confidence and self-esteem. How do we nix the dependency and stay authentic to ourselves and others? It's a huge uphill climb for many but we've got to make a change. I can't change the social media rules but I can change MY behavior and inspire other girls to keep the movement going.

Many girls begin using filters to hide their biggest insecurity because they feel everyone might zoom in on their post and share it with each other to make fun. This can be especially true for girls who feel they don't fit in or look like other girls around them. A desire to use social media filters isn't unique. Just scroll through your Instagram feed or Snapchat stories and you're bound to see photos of girls of all ages and even adults with heart eyes, anime cartoon depictions, Disney-inspired graphics, and more. Using filters can be fun and totally harmless. But not all filters are created equally. Some are smoothing out the skin, enhancing features or making them smaller, and even changing skin colors. These filters geared toward beauty modification can be damaging to a girl's self-worth and mental health, while also creating unrealistic expectations.

With any form of social media, we have the ability to create the persona or public face we want others to see. Reality becomes even more distorted when posts use filters and other feature-enhancing apps to change and enhance the appearance of the image. Here's the catch... Did you know?????? A 2021 ParentsTogether survey of more than 200 U.S. teens ages 13 to 21 found 87 percent use a filter on social media, and nearly 1 in 5 use a beauty filter on every single one of their posts. The most common reasons for using the beauty filters were to "look more beautiful" and "hide a characteristic they don't like." What's more: 61 percent of those teens said beauty filters make them feel worse about their real-life appearance. WHAT???? OK, now we're feeling worse after we use filters to alter our bodies! Well, that makes perfect sense so WHY do we continue down this rabbit hole?

What's also dangerous is how subtle these filtered images sometimes are. A 2017 study in the journal Cognitive Research: Principles and Implications found that people only recognized manipulated images up to 65 percent of the time. And yet these highly filtered images online can affect a person's self-esteem, promote unhealthy behaviors like disordered eating or over-exercising, and impact how girls view their identity. "When filters change the shape of facial features like the eyes, nose, and lips, or smooth and lighten the skin color, the message being sent is that we are not enough the way we are. BUT WE ARE!!!!! WE ARE ENOUGH!!!

The first step is awareness. I think really cognitively and consciously challenging and reminding ourselves that these images are NOT real and authentic is a good first step. It's also important to have some awareness of when social media may be leading to depression, anxiety, or isolation. The second step is recognizing our worth. As a whole this can be difficult when we're bombarded with beauty messages, filtered photos, influencers who constantly alter their image. I believe now is a great time for us girls to learn to love ourselves and become authentic with everyone we encounter. For me, getting together face-to-face with friends, connecting with mentors, immersing myself in a hobby, getting outside, exercise and of course taking the time to just decompress and be one with myself (even for 15 minutes) is super important. Scrolling social media constantly throughout the day takes focus from living YOUR life, creating your own memories and joy. Push back on the "filterization" & take your authenticity to a new level online & in person! P.S. Pass it on to all the girls in your life. Movements begin with 1 person...

GOING NOWHERE ON SPRING BREAK!

FOMO stands for "fear of missing out." This term went viral and was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2013. Have you ever had that nervous or anxious feeling when you realize you were not invited to be with friends because you saw the pics on social media? Did this revelation make you feel insecure about how you really fit in with friends? If you answered yes in your head, don't worry because you are not alone!

I don't believe we should rely or consider our self-worth based on popularity but FOMO causes girls to assume that they have a low social ranking. This belief can create anxiety and feelings of inferiority. Did you know FOMO is especially common in people ages 18 to 33? One survey found that about two-thirds of people in this age group admitted to experiencing FOMO regularly. Here's a link to the survey just in case you're up for reading more about FOMO (Australian Psychological Society)

HUGE problem! The obsessive worrying about what everyone else is doing only causes girls to miss out on their own lives even more. In fact, FOMO causes girls to keep their attention focused outward instead of inward. Girls begin to lose their sense of identity and struggle with low self-esteem. Struggling with FOMO means we are so focused on what others are doing that we forget to live our own lives. WHAT???? YOU have a life too, so don't forget that!

SPRING BREAK is a big dose of insta photo dumps full of what seems like glorious destinations for everyone...well almost everyone because YOU might be feeling a little FOMO and begin to believe it's only you who doesn't get in on all the fun. You might even have friends who have gone together and this leaves you feeling like you're not at the top of the list for invites, especially ones that take you out of your own backyard. I'm here to nix all the thoughts out of your head because we've all felt this way and been in the exact same boat...no pun intended since you might be stuck on land. :) Let's dive deep into this crazy phenomenon and get back in the right headspace so we can truly take that much needed break AND find some selfish fun to mix it up a bit.

Not all families can afford a lavish vacation. We expect celebrities to post all their exotic destinations and we never feel FOMO, although we might feel a little jealous but that's perfectly normal. The key to this is that again, we EXPECT celebrities to travel and be fancy. We see our friends as peers/equals but everything isn't always equal. I've had friends who never could go on a great vacation and I've had friends who always go on vacation and they think that's perfectly normal. Our lifestyles are a perspective of what is "normal" for us. It's not always normal for everyone else and this is where the FOMO starts to wedge its way into our soul. If you're feeling at a disadvantage because your family is not in a position to vacation, understand the realization and put your thoughts in a healthy perspective. And by the way, your thoughts are valid, always valid. When we learn to compartmentalize, we gain a better mindset and positivity prevails.

OK, so you're not going to vacation during Spring Break. I bet there's also another girl you know with the same situation and the perfect time to connect, have a sleepover, do a vision board craft together, bake cookies and decorate them, build a fort and camp outside in the backyard while gazing at the stars. Boredom takes over because the only fun things we see are social media posts and that makes life seem very small if we allow it. SO...

Ditch the social media - take a Spring Break from all the nonsense and be selfish, do for YOU and take that time to focus on the positives in your life. They truly are there if you can stop comparing even for a little while. Punishing everyone else because you feel slighted never makes life better...it just places focus on negative feelings. I've taken several breaks from social media and found myself noticing things around me I'd been missing out on. One on one time with friends, just talking and hanging out, being more present with my family, taking walks and seeing nature in it's raw form and just thinking with myself has given me a new perspective. I guess you could say focusing on things that truly matter can get lost when our heads are in our phones. We're so into everyone else's life that we lost sight of our own.

Remember, Spring break lasts 1 week and before you know it, all your peers will be back in the same spot...school. Life goes forward and while you listen to all the vaca details from your bff's, know that not being able to have their experiences doesn't make you any less of a person. Be happy that everyone made it back to school safely. I know...that might sound crazy but it's true. We take so much for granted and forget about being grateful. If you didn't go on a vaca be grateful for the down time. Be grateful for a new perspective. Don't feel sorry for yourself, be glad you understand that FOMO is a mindset and my hopes are that you have slayed it like a dragon so it never creeps back in your mind again.

XOXO ~ Lauren

G-O-A-T

Dear Tom,

Originally spending all my life in Texas, my father became the CEO of Maine Machine Products with a task was to turn the company and make it profitable for sale. My 4th year in New England was the time that my fragile 12 year old self-esteem was completely shattered. I was one of the very first to be tortured by a cyber-bully. Thank you for being a part of my story...

My family's love for football was a constant in our household. My Mom was a former NFL Cheerleader so you know the noise levels and cheering rose to new heights! You and the Patriots became a bright light in my life. My father taught me the game but most importantly he showed me the values of winning, losing and all the tiny moments of the journey that very few ever shine a light of value upon. My bullying experience paled in comparison to the scrutiny you've experienced along your journey but somehow the relation is real.

VICTORY

During my middle school years the social media platform MYSpace was the popular go-to connection for my age/generation. During the course of an entire year, what I experienced online and in person was nothing short of pure psychological warfare. The online space became a haven for young and old to deliver hate in the most public setting. As a young girl experiencing the toxic waste, I felt traumatized and lost most of my self-esteem, aka "Girl Power". The feeling of being under a microscope, being dissected and judged regardless of the truth can only be described as drowning. My amazing parents' unwavering support helped close that gap but much of me remained broken for quite some time. Watching you play football gave us time as a family to escape the negativity that haunted me daily. We watched you win, sometimes lose and many times become champions. My Dad and Mom also helped me understand the journey and the dedication that it takes to become the G-O-A-T. There's a reason there are only a few...and there's a reason that many will try their best to tear you down. My GOAT story became possible because of those who empowered me and you are one of those who today remain an inspiration that reminds me to ignore the negative "noise". Fun fact: My Dad predicted that you would be one of the best that ever played the game. He saw the talent but he also saw the character and humility in your mindset.

DEFEAT

My father completed the turn around at Maine Machine and our journey brought us back to Texas. At age fifteen, during my freshman year of high school, my acting coach Cylk Cozart and I were discussing my cyber-bullying experience in Maine and how there are so many girls who are losing their self-worth due to social media/judgement/hate. I have said many times that something has to be done and Cylk said to me, "Well, why don't YOU do something about it?" If you don’t try, you don’t succeed. My parents helped me create my non-profit Girls Above Society. I'm celebrating 12 years and have empowered over 10,000 girls in the U.S. and Africa with my GIRL TALK Curriculums. This is where the family football games watching you and The Patriots play gets good…Watching you experience disappointment and frustration and the humility you bring to the table alongside your peers and teammates taught me that all those winning moments were a compilation of struggles, extra work and defeats. The core needs fuel. The takeaway from all the uphill battles only become clear when victory prevails. The thrill of victory is like a 5000 word essay. I have also watched you win, break records and become a champion...a G-O-A-T who always gives credit to those who helped/supported you along the journey. It's easy to place judgement, especially when all we see is a tiny glimpse of someone else's life. Oftentimes those glimpses are what the media dictates. Reality is loosely defined. Watching the games became life lessons for me even though I’m absolutely certain I didn’t understand each and every play. I do know that if I can just keep reaching for that 1st down, I’ll get the TD. And I I don’t, I’ll kick, punt, fumble or change lanes but one thing's for certain... I’ll keep moving forward. I’ll keep inspiring and I’ll be the best version of myself despite what the media dictates.

BELIEVE

Before your retirement, My Mom and I would chat on the phone and discuss the game. She always had a great life takeaway lesson to share. Your journey is for everyone to see...the good and the bad...Know that you inspire me to continue down my path despite the tackles and injuries. I thank you for sharing your journey and defining yourself authentically.

Always cheering you on,

Lauren