TIS THE SEASON TO COMPARE

On the surface people would say joy, happiness, and cheer are all the feels during the holiday season but that's not all that's felt this time of year and I'm not talking just gift envy. For a lot of young girls it's the season to compare and OMG the anxiety of FOMO can feel like holiday depression on steroids.

Depression is a real and a serious consequence of FOMO. You might be feeling the downward spiral of always thinking others are doing more interesting things than you. The problem is this...If we are constantly comparing ourselves to others and constantly doing a deep dive on social media to see what they're doing it will no doubt affect your mood. The holiday festivities cause our nosey selves to focus more on others than ourselves and those right in front of us. It's tricky but I'm here to share my experience and thoughts on how to nix the holiday FOMO blues.

CREATE some new traditions and fun with friends. You don't need a bunch of friends, even just 1 friend can turn the holiday season into the most festive time of all.

Take a BFF sleepover to a new holiday level by gathering some paper and markers to create a little extra magic for others. Make some fun colorful inspirational quote cards to share with others. When you head back to school after the holidays or ring in the new year, make it a point to tape the quotes on lockers, bulletin boards, pass them out or take them to a counselor to use for those who are suffering. Not only is this super fun but it feels good to do good. FYI - it's pretty difficult to feel negative while you're doing good for others.

Dial DOWN the social media usage. Trust me...it's OK and you will live if you lessen the time spent scrolling. Give yourself a time limit and stick to it. I did this and with all honesty I realized just how much I was truly missing out on because my head was stuck in my phone. When I felt the urge to check my phone it was usually because I felt bored. So, I decided to take my cute dog for a walk or bake cookies or meet up with a friend...you get the idea right? When all eyes are on what everyone else is doing you're giving your mind permission to feel like you are missing out or your life doesn't equal others. FYI - Those post you see are highlight reels...those girls get bored too. I think of all they are missing out on because so much time is spent perfecting/filtering photos. Let that sink in a bit!

Embrace alone time. Solitude can be healing and motivational. I enjoy yoga and dedicate some "me time" almost every day. I use the time to reflect, think about my goals (big or small) and feel peace. We are so busy in our daily lives with deadlines, schedules and chores that if we're not careful we forget about taking self care of our mind and body. FYI - You don't have to spend hours on meditation. If you only take 5 minutes, that's a huge start! If you want to up your game, head on over to @grokrocksofficial and snag one of their super cute rocks or just be inspired by their Instagram. This small business is amazing & they have been a huge supporter of Girls Above Society.

Downtime during the holidays doesn't have to mean start scrolling social media. Don't fall into the downward spiral, instead try these ideas! Play a game with family/friends. Create something - Put your pen/markers to paper and write OR draw. Exercise - it's good for the mind & body! Baking or cooking a meal is super fun especially when you make if a family affair. Help your parents by cleaning or doing some extra chores. I know...this is not my definition of fun either BUT being grateful and helping out means more than any gift you could buy. If you're an older sister, spend some quality time with your siblings doing something they choose. Oftentimes we are so busy with school/sport/extracurricular activities that we lose that quality one on one time with our family.

"My friends received more and better gifts than I did." - This aspect of FOMO is sometimes the hardest. Again, we're looking in the lens of other lives believing that our life doesn't measure up. The number of gifts one receives never reflects the importance of us as human beings. Some families spend an enormous amount on gifts, some don't. Some gift throughout the year in small ways and some have a one time gift event during the holidays. Some families will earn a larger salary than others. Judging our friends based on the number of gifts received is a little crazy if you stop and think about it. I've had friends throughout the years from very wealthy families and yes, they often receive the latest and greatest gifts we all would love but along the way I had to stop and think about why they were my friends. It wasn't because their parents could afford expensive things, it was because they were truly good friends who were honest, fun, authentic and supported me (we supported each other) in every way. THAT was my gift from them and it cost $0.00. The same goes for my friends whose parents earned a lesser salary. Both worked hard to provide for their families. Perspective is so important. Forget the gifts, what you wanted vs what your friends received. Tomorrow we will carry forward and I can honestly tell you that none of the purchased gifts will improve your friendships and they won't change your life either. Stuff will come and go but our values, character and friendships will long last any bought gift.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! May your light shine bright and thoughtful with love & a sprinkling of Girl Power everywhere you go! XOXO Lauren

I WISH...

I wish I looked like her...

I wish I was popular like her...

I wish I was talented like her...

I wish I had her life...

We've all had these inner thoughts and being honest, I've had them at times throughout my life. If you're thinking the same, don't worry, it's perfectly normal. We're human! Sometimes we find ourselves wishing for something other than what we have. Social media gives girls a HUGE window that allows us to stare into the lives of our peers, celebrities and strangers around the world. Wishing is healthy but when we find ourselves wishing and comparing to the point that we are dissatisfied with ourselves over things we cannot change, it's time to see a new perspective.

Social media can be fun, entertaining (dog videos are my fave) and educational. Throughout my journey with Girls Above Society I've connected with some incredible women who have supported me in ways I never thought possible. But...social media can also be toxic and self deprecating to a point that our self-esteem is being chopped to bits. Authenticity is sometimes difficult to see. Filters, photoshop, edits and carefully posed photos/videos give the illusion that perfection is reality and we're less than worthy if we don't attain this ideal. This is where things get very very questionable and oftentimes cause us to wonder if we're good enough. How do we cope? I could talk about this for dayzzzzz - We need more of these convos!

Some things are out of our control! DNA plays a huge role in our personality, traits and what we look like. I personally love that each of us are different. Life would be incredibly boring if we all looked, dressed and acted the exact same way. We really don't want that life but we spend far too much time trying to look like someone else. I discovered that the more I worked on goals for myself, less time was spent trying to be like someone else. For example: I have always been very thin and wanted to be more curvy. I decided to work on building some muscle and exercising target areas. I love exercising and having a goal really made it fun! Everything flipped - My thoughts were more about me instead of someone else. Side note: Admiring someone is awesome! Spending your time wishing to the point of destroying your self-esteem is toxic. Flip it and make YOU the focus!

Wishing to be popular is a topic I love talking about. The dictionary definition of Popular means being liked, admired, and enjoyed by many people. I never felt popular in school. I was not super outgoing like some of the girls, instead I was more of an observer and never in search of the "spotlight". My cyber-bullying experience was incredibly difficult but one of the things I learned is this: Popular girls are sometimes the most insecure girls. If I could, I'd redefine what popular looks like. When I think back on my middle school years, I now realize I was SUPER popular! I had an awesome small group of friends (real friends, not just acquaintances, that were supportive, fun, smart and authentic. We were all so different yet we connected and embraced each other's uniqueness in the best ways possible. We learned from each other and laughed a lot. Being girls, we tend to spend too much time looking through other "windows" that we forget to find goodness in our own tribe of friends regardless how big or small that may be. Do less wishing and spend more time having face-to-face convos with the awesome girls in your life. All of those convos are way better than any amount of "likes" , follows or comments.

Do you ever feel like you don't have a talent? I felt that way in school too! I was academically successful in school but oftentimes I didn't want that stigma of being the "smart" or "geeky" girl so I would downplay how well I did on an exam when everyone in the group was saying they felt they failed. I wasn't confident enough to be honest and I didn't want the attention because in my mind, that wasn't the sort of attention desired. I wanted to be accepted and cool like my peers. I never felt like I had a talent or a niche. I was not athletic or musically inclined. I spent years involved in musical theater but the majority of my time was spent being cast in chorus roles which was great with me because I enjoyed being involved in the group effort of theater more than being the lead. I also spent a few years cheerleading (I was the flyer) in middle school. This was also the time my cyberbullying took place. I went through high school without feeling like I had a "talent". Did you know that tons of people never find their talent during their school years? We associate talent with being the quarterback/baseball star, the track star, the vocalist, the musician or the valedictorian. The peers who are most talked about or win the most awards are the ones most seen. While we love cheering on those who work hard and are talented, it's important to see our personal attributes even if they don't conform with those that gain the most attention. Being a good friend, being humble, teaching/helping others, using your voice for good, working towards shaping change, volunteering, learning and growing are all in my opinion super talents. These traits stay with you forever and give you the ability to be successful in ways many are not. Talent isn't always applauded or seen. Talent can be a moment you create. My talent: The ability to create and shape face-to-face conversations amongst young girls. You won't see my talent in any award list or record breaking stats. That's OK. If one girl is empowered, she can take the torch and pass it on by empowering another girl in her path. Pretty awesome if you ask me!

Social Media makes is super easy to define our life by how we compare it to someone else's/. OMG She has such an amazing life! Well, that photo may seem so but does she REALLY have that so called "perfect" life? Probably not. It's super difficult to see reality through the smoky lenses of social media. Every moment that you spend scrolling through posts, videos & reels, you can bet there are other girls doing the exact same thing while wondering why their life seems boring/not good enough. It can be easy to get wrapped up in everyone else's life, especially when most posts are highlight reels (their BEST moments). Recently I watched a video of a group of young girls in Africa. They were playing a game and every single one of them were smiling and having fun. Comparisons were absent. They were making their own moments without judging their circumstances. For the majority of us, life is rarely glamorous, especially as seen on social media. When I look back on my teen years, my biggest takeaway life memories are time spent with friends and family. They were definitely not exotic but instead were the long walks we took, messing up the kitchen baking cookies, sleepovers, movie nights, football games, smores by a campfire, fireflies and swimming in the lake. At the time, my friends and I thought that was amazing and it's true, it was. I'm absolutely certain there were girls our age who were traveling abroad or who were wealthier but we were in the moment and that was authentic happiness. Life goals are important but constant comparisons get in the way and disrupt our journey if we're not careful.

In the Disney movie, Pinnochio changed from a wooden toy to a real life boy. Wishing is fun and magical, especially in Disney movies. Be true to yourself, be kind to others and remember to place more focus on your goals/dreams instead of wishing you had someone else's life. Make a wish to use your girl power for good! The rest will come and I do believe that with goals, hard work and the right focus, dreams do come true!

When you wish upon a star Makes no difference who you are Anything your heart desires Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream No request is too extreme When you wish upon a star As dreamers do

Fate is kind She brings to those to love The sweet fulfillment of Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue Fate steps in and sees you through When you wish upon a star Your dreams come true

Should I QUIT?

Quitting… Could this action be under rated? As girls, we face a lot of pressures and social media is awesome at reminding us to never give up, never quit, be the best, tough it out, push through etc… In many cases, these phrases can help us reach goals we never thought possible BUT what happens when we see a situation through a different lens than those around us? We become afraid of being a quitter because quitting has been labeled a negative mindset.

I’m going to disrupt the universe for a moment and tell you why quitting can be the best choice you will ever make!

SCENE

You tried out for the soccer team because your BFF plays and she thought it would be fun to experience the sport together. You both make the team and soon after practices begin you realize you’re just not into soccer and you are definitely not enjoying this particular sport. All sorts of feelings begin to flow and while you don’t want to disappoint your BFF or your parents (especially if they believe the sport is for you) you’re dreading practice days and going through the motions to please others. Current state of mind… you feel stressed and unfulfilled.

During GIRL TALK and Girl Power Experiences we often discuss pressures that surround how we feel about quitting. When girls decide to vocalize their desire to quit, these are some of the responses and barriers that frustrate them.

“Don’t give up, just give it some time. You’ll be great at soccer in no time.”

“Being a quitter never solved anything.”

“You don’t know if you like something unless you stick with it.”

“I paid money for this. You will finish.”

"If I quit, I'll be labeled a loser."

Sound familiar? You’re not alone! Quitting is powerful and when done for the right reasons it can build confidence and self-worth. After all, handling situations that arise in a healthy way = epic Girl Power!

TRYING new things provides a barometer that helps shape who we are. Some of us are artistic and some are athletic and some are academic. Some of us are all these things combined! The journey towards finding hobbies, friends and one day careers all starts with trying. Trying doesn’t mean forever but when everything aligns, trying can also lead to passion and fulfillment. I don’t believe there is one human on this planet that hasn’t tried something, didn’t like it and quit. How we go about quitting is super important and to make things easier, I’ve created a fun survey that will help you decide if quitting makes sense in your situation.

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TALK IT OUT! If quitting is indeed the best choice for you, talk it out with those who might be affected by your decision. Don’t be afraid to tell your parents! Be prepared to discuss your feelings that have lead to this moment.

WARNING*** When the choice of quitting becomes a pattern and your actions deem you a part of a team that is not dependable, or laziness you can't explain (especially if you mostly enjoy the activity) it's time to reassess and determine what is really going on internally. Oftentimes our self-esteem level can affect our ability to try because we're afraid of how our image is seen by our peers.

“I QUIT.” comes with valuable lessons. I have personally made the choice to quit along my journey and I can happily say that my decision helped me navigate future tough choices. I also learned the power of trying even though ultimately I decided to quit. I also learned about myself and the importance of authenticity. When we are fulfilled, self-love grows and self-esteem builds up some pretty epic girl power!

XOXO ~ Lauren